I am very much aware that no one reads this, then again this is mainly for me to vent and get things off my chest.
ANYWAYS
Life is definitely getting better, I've been in school for about a month now and even though it's hard, I've been doing pretty well. I've even made new friends and I've been going to the gym 6 days a week. Still no Weight Watchers, but I wanna see if I can really lose weight on my own, with the help of exercise before I spend more money. So far I've been going over a week, hardly enough to base anything on yet. I still cannot believe how much I weigh and how horrible I look. And to think I actually thought I was fat before I got pregnant. Not that I regret being pregnant, because Ry is the best thing that has every happened to me, I just wish I had taken better care of myself during my pregnancy and exercised. But here I am, extremely unhappy with my body. Not a place I would ever want to be, then again, things could be worse. Other than my body and weight, I would say things are good.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
My new life starts
After months of going back and forth about which school I wanted to attend and which field, I've finally enrolled for classes. I'll be attending the Dental Assistant program at UEI-San Marcos. After speaking with a counselor and going over costs and all that fun stuff I decided that was the college for me. It's only 8 months and I go Mon-Fri 10-2:30, so it's a fairly easy schedule that I know I can work around when it comes to my family and Ry. I have to admit I'm excited that I get to wear scrubs to school everyday, it just beats the extra 10 minutes it takes me to find something to wear (especially now because I feel like the fattest person ever ugh!). I know I'm a loser for being excited about something so stupid, but oh well!
I haven't been able to start weight watchers yet, because of money issues and trying to get the stupid car up and running (which is a story in itself). But as of last night I have decided to start jogging at least 4-5 times a week. We have a park by my house that has the perfect track for a jog, and I felt so much better after doing it, and 30 minutes out of my day is not that big of a deal. I just grab my iPod and some Smart Water and I'm good to go. After I come back home I try to do at least 100 crunches (25 regular and another 25 on each side, ending on the criss-cross kind). I feel GREAT today, of course a little sore, but I can do this.
I cannot stand the way I look, I was looking at pictures of myself before I got pregnant, you know those times when you 'thought' you were so fat and looking back you think "wtf was I smoking? I would give anything to be back to that size"? Yeah well I have to do something, and sitting on my fatass every day is not doing anything but making me feel more self conscious and ugly. I think I'll start writing down everything I put into my mouth, including mints, gum EVERYTHING. I am single now and I gotta get back out there, and I cannot do that looking like I do now. So wish me luck, I LOVE food and it's something that will not be easy to just give up. I know I can do this, I just have to put my mind to it. I have 40 lbs to lose, this is gonna be a long road, but Vegas is in a couple months and I HAVE to look good in a little dress when we go out to the clubs!
Anyways, as for my Rylie, she's the biggest brat ever! I absolutely love her to death, but something must be done about her attitude and that screaming! She screams all the time, and in public. Other than that she is walking and of course into everything. I have some work to do in the mommy department as far as discipline goes, that's another obstacle to conquer. Like everything else, I can do it.
Lacy Nicole
I haven't been able to start weight watchers yet, because of money issues and trying to get the stupid car up and running (which is a story in itself). But as of last night I have decided to start jogging at least 4-5 times a week. We have a park by my house that has the perfect track for a jog, and I felt so much better after doing it, and 30 minutes out of my day is not that big of a deal. I just grab my iPod and some Smart Water and I'm good to go. After I come back home I try to do at least 100 crunches (25 regular and another 25 on each side, ending on the criss-cross kind). I feel GREAT today, of course a little sore, but I can do this.
I cannot stand the way I look, I was looking at pictures of myself before I got pregnant, you know those times when you 'thought' you were so fat and looking back you think "wtf was I smoking? I would give anything to be back to that size"? Yeah well I have to do something, and sitting on my fatass every day is not doing anything but making me feel more self conscious and ugly. I think I'll start writing down everything I put into my mouth, including mints, gum EVERYTHING. I am single now and I gotta get back out there, and I cannot do that looking like I do now. So wish me luck, I LOVE food and it's something that will not be easy to just give up. I know I can do this, I just have to put my mind to it. I have 40 lbs to lose, this is gonna be a long road, but Vegas is in a couple months and I HAVE to look good in a little dress when we go out to the clubs!
Anyways, as for my Rylie, she's the biggest brat ever! I absolutely love her to death, but something must be done about her attitude and that screaming! She screams all the time, and in public. Other than that she is walking and of course into everything. I have some work to do in the mommy department as far as discipline goes, that's another obstacle to conquer. Like everything else, I can do it.
Lacy Nicole
Friday, May 28, 2010
Life...MINE
So it finally happened, Rylie turned 1 as of 10:27am (Eastern time) yesterday. We took her to Chuck E. Cheese and I honestly don't think I have ever seen her as happy as I did there. We put her on all the rides for little kids and she was smiling ear to ear the whole time. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Her party is tomorrow and we have family coming down from Fresno. I had to go with another theme, instead of the ladybug one I wanted. Who knew finding ladybug stuff for parties was going to be so hard? I wasn't about to pay almost $30 on shipping for plates and napkins that only cost $5.00 together, so we decided to find something else. The new theme is called One-derful, it's pretty cute, very girly just like Ryles!
I have been seeing a therapist once a week since February, and I have to say I am in a much better place than I was when I first started. She's got me thinking about what I really want in life, including new relationships. She had me create list of all the qualities I want in a man and I have to stick with it. No more settling, I know I deserve something great and if that takes 10 years, so be it. Like I've said many times before, I'm ok with being a single parent....for now(haha). Anyways back to my list, I had to think long and hard about what I put on there, trying not to forget important things. Here's the list so far...
1. Loves me for me
2. Loves Rylie as his own
3. Respects me
4. Financially stable
5. Financially smart (meaning he doesn't spend frivolously)
6. Clean
7. Good sense of style (but not gay looking)
8. Smart
9. Good job (or in college)
10. Isn't selfish
11. Funny
12. Romantic
13. Has a good family background
14. Likes to travels
15. Gets along with my family (and my family loves him)
That's all I have so far. It's hard to think of EVERTHING you want in a person. You're always told not to set the bar too high, but why not? Isn't that why I'm here, because I DIDN'T set the bar high enough? Who cares if it takes a long time to find "Mr. Right", you shouldn't just say "Well he's the best I'm going to find, and I don't have my whole life to wait". Screw that business. Yes, my bar is that high and yes, I will wait as long as it takes! What's the rush? I need to focus on my daughter and my education, because along with Ry, I am number one in my life.
Lacy
I have been seeing a therapist once a week since February, and I have to say I am in a much better place than I was when I first started. She's got me thinking about what I really want in life, including new relationships. She had me create list of all the qualities I want in a man and I have to stick with it. No more settling, I know I deserve something great and if that takes 10 years, so be it. Like I've said many times before, I'm ok with being a single parent....for now(haha). Anyways back to my list, I had to think long and hard about what I put on there, trying not to forget important things. Here's the list so far...
1. Loves me for me
2. Loves Rylie as his own
3. Respects me
4. Financially stable
5. Financially smart (meaning he doesn't spend frivolously)
6. Clean
7. Good sense of style (but not gay looking)
8. Smart
9. Good job (or in college)
10. Isn't selfish
11. Funny
12. Romantic
13. Has a good family background
14. Likes to travels
15. Gets along with my family (and my family loves him)
That's all I have so far. It's hard to think of EVERTHING you want in a person. You're always told not to set the bar too high, but why not? Isn't that why I'm here, because I DIDN'T set the bar high enough? Who cares if it takes a long time to find "Mr. Right", you shouldn't just say "Well he's the best I'm going to find, and I don't have my whole life to wait". Screw that business. Yes, my bar is that high and yes, I will wait as long as it takes! What's the rush? I need to focus on my daughter and my education, because along with Ry, I am number one in my life.
Lacy
Friday, May 21, 2010
It's almost been a year
Time truly does fly when you have a baby. This last year has been so full of joy and pain. When Rylie arrived I never knew you could love such a little person so much. The moment I laid eyes on her I started crying because I was overwhelmed with so many thoughts, would I be a good mom? Would I know what to do? and I also cried because a part of me I never knew was missing came into my life and completed me.
Being a mom has taught me a lot, especially being a single mom and I'm 100% ok with it. I love that I can take care of my daughter all by myself, with the occasional help from my wonderful family. Without my family I would have nothing, and I appreciate them now than ever.
I know having Rylie has changed me for the better. I rarely go out and drink (although sometimes I need it), I put her before myself, I am starting school to give her a good life and I finally have my priorities straightened out. Never did I ever think I would be where I am now, single with a baby. I admit it's not the path I would have chosen for myself, but it is definitely one I do not regret. Now that I am all situated at home, I feel like I've been given another chance. I'm still young and there's so much I can still do, having Rylie doesn't restrict me in anyway. She makes me want to be a better person, to not settle for anything less than what I deserve. I can now breathe and it feels really good.
A much happier Lacy :)
Being a mom has taught me a lot, especially being a single mom and I'm 100% ok with it. I love that I can take care of my daughter all by myself, with the occasional help from my wonderful family. Without my family I would have nothing, and I appreciate them now than ever.
I know having Rylie has changed me for the better. I rarely go out and drink (although sometimes I need it), I put her before myself, I am starting school to give her a good life and I finally have my priorities straightened out. Never did I ever think I would be where I am now, single with a baby. I admit it's not the path I would have chosen for myself, but it is definitely one I do not regret. Now that I am all situated at home, I feel like I've been given another chance. I'm still young and there's so much I can still do, having Rylie doesn't restrict me in anyway. She makes me want to be a better person, to not settle for anything less than what I deserve. I can now breathe and it feels really good.
A much happier Lacy :)
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
9 months
On the 27th of February my little munchkin turned 9 months. It's crazy that she is now as old as my pregnancy was long. It makes me sad that we are now entering into the toddler years and in a few months she won't be a little baby.Of course she'll always be my baby though. She's extremely close to walking, so much that my mom, sister and I have waged bets on when she'll start. Walking gets me thinking about the fact that this house is no where near being babyproofed. We still need at least 2 baby gates, plug covers, cabinet locks and we need to move all the toxic cleaning products that are easily accessible to her.
I have finally decided on which school I am going to. I made the decision to attend Kaplan because of how small the class sizes are and the one on one attention I will be receiving. I've also heard great things about them and the morning session classes start July 14...yay! It's a little later than I wanted to start, but it's the soonest they're offering morning session and that will be the best time for me. It's perfect because I still have the whole day to spend with Rylie and I can still make it to the beach to get my tan on (oooh yes I went there!).
Things are really starting to get better and I just can't wait to see what the rest of the year takes me!!
Lacy Nicole
I have finally decided on which school I am going to. I made the decision to attend Kaplan because of how small the class sizes are and the one on one attention I will be receiving. I've also heard great things about them and the morning session classes start July 14...yay! It's a little later than I wanted to start, but it's the soonest they're offering morning session and that will be the best time for me. It's perfect because I still have the whole day to spend with Rylie and I can still make it to the beach to get my tan on (oooh yes I went there!).
Things are really starting to get better and I just can't wait to see what the rest of the year takes me!!
Lacy Nicole
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Her Nursery
Finally after 4 months of living back in CA, Rylie's room is finished! My mom did an amazing job decorating the walls and organizing everything. It's so nice that Rylie finally has a place to call all her own. Here it is...
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's been awhile
Wow...I haven't written in the longest time. A lot has been going on though. I am legally separated and Alex and I are getting along great! We're just not good together and we both just want what's best for Rylie. Life still isn't completely easy, but it sure is getting better. I'm looking into colleges now, and have decided to go to Kaplan to become a Dental Assistant. They make decent money and the program is only 9 months. I just need to do something to better support Ry and myself.
Speaking of my angel, she is now 8 months. I cannot believe it. Time just goes by so fast, it feels like yesterday I was holding her in my arms in the delivery room...aww! She is so big. It seems like she learns something new everyday. I think crawling is just around the corner and now she's been trying to pull herself up from sitting (cutest thing ever). And TEETH! We've got 2 so far on the bottom.
Tomorrow we leave for Fresno till Thursday, we have a funeral to go to, obviously not something to look forward to. So sad. I should probably get packing!
Lacy Nicole
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