One Day at a Time

It's Christmas time...

2011-12-17T07:26:00.001-08:00

As of last night I am DONE with Christmas shopping. I've got to say, it's quite an accomplishment, especially because I left yesterday not having any idea what I was going to buy for the rest of the people on my list. Go me! It's also REALLY nice even being able to have the money to get people things. Have I mentioned that I have an amazing job?! I got $100 in a Christmas card from the CEO and Thursday I got a Christmas bonus, based on my yearly salary, which for this year was only barely 2 weeks haha. But anything is better than nothing, and it's gotten my savings account exactly where I needed it ;)

I still can't believe next Sunday is Christmas. Seriously, this year crept up behind me and flew by. Not that I'm complaining, I think it's great. This year I have truly been blessed. I have an amazing family, a great job and things are on the right track. I'll be getting a new car early next year and after that, I'll be saving to move out. I'd love it to just be Ry and I, but we'll see.

Well today it's off to Legoland with one of the managers at my work. Ry and I have never been so it should be fun. They even have a little area with snow, which Ry has never seen.

Until next time,
Lacy

Finally!

2011-11-30T23:19:00.000-08:00

Things have definitely been going my way lately. Good luck seems to follow me around this week :)) I got hired at my job which means benefits, more money, paid holidays and I'll be able to get a car!!! I'm beyond ecstatic. Ry and I now have medical, dental and vision insurance paid 100% by my work. I'm pretty sure it doesn't get any better that that. Especially because there isn't a 'probation period' they're effective the 1st of the month...meaning tomorrow.

After everything I've been through, things are on track and I'm getting my life straightened out. I should have my new car no later than February and after my bills are paid off/in order, I'll be buying furniture for my apartment and eventually moving out. I've also decided to go back to school, which means I have to start from scratch at a community college, but that's ok. My foot is already in the door at my work, all that's standing in my way of salary based pay is a college degree.

Words cannot describe how relieved I am. What better time than the holiday season? Christmas is gonna be good this year. Ahhh...

Lacy

Birthday Month!

2011-10-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

That's right...we are officially 10 days into the wonderful month of October! I don't just love it because of my birthday, although that has contributed to my love of the month, it's a time for Breast Cancer Awareness, Halloween and the perfect weather. I started out this month by taking a mini-vacation with my dad, to the Bay Area to visit my sisters and family. I have to say that it was much needed. Next time I hope to be able to stay longer than only 3 days, but it took the edge off of my stress, which is all I can really ask for.

I am going to be 25 in 17 days, and the only thing 25 really means is lower car insurance and I am now able to rent a car without having to pay an extra $25-30/day for being a 'new driver'. Woo-hoo....can you sense the excitement? You know, because I am constantly renting cars. I guess when the day comes when I actually need to rent one, I'll be thankful for the money I will be saving. (How's that for thinking positive?!). In all seriousness, I can say that I (almost) know who I am. I may not be 25 just yet, but I'd say 17 days is pretty damn close.

Halloween is the Monday following my birthday weekend (yes, I get a month, a week and a weekend). I have yet to figure out what Rylie is going to be. I've asked her, but 2 year olds don't exactly grasp the concept of Halloween. So, it is left for me to decide. I've always been terrible when it comes to making decisions (hard to believe, I know). It's not like picking out a costume for my toddler is difficult, but it's my style to make even the simplest of decisions, painstakingly hard. I've tried breaking it down by her favorite shows and movies, that leaves me with plenty of choices. We have Olivia, Yo Gabba Gabba!, Shrek, Tangled, Princess and the Frog, Marmaduke (good luck with that one), Ice Age and Happy Feet. There are more, but I haven't been able to think straight lately, and anyways 8 different shows/movies leaves me with plenty...right? Oh no, not for me. I look up each different choice and I am so unhappy with the costumes. I mean seriously, they want to charge us up the ass for a cheap, hideous looking costume that my child will probably only wear once. I don't think so! By now you can see how hard things can be for me (whether I make them that way or not).

Which leads me to my birthday planning. I have NO IDEA what to do. Now that I am a boring mom (with emphasis on the boring), I don't enjoy going out to bars/clubs, drinking or anything along those lines. I think I'm more like 24 going on 40, but that's besides the point right now (well, kind of). Other than the fact that I don't have many friends that live here, my choices are pretty much limited to dinner with the family and possibly a spa day. Actually, that doesn't sound too bad. I can ALWAYS go for a spa day, then again, what girl can't? I know some spas offer package deals for groups that include drinks and appetizers, I've been looking into something like that. I just have to get people on board with me, considering it isn't exactly cheap.

Still no permanent position at work, but it looks like I should be finding out within the next couple weeks. Then again, how many times have I said that? It went from two weeks, to 'the end of this month' to 'when the COO returns from vacation'. Waiting...waiting...waiting. Story of my life. I'm always waiting. I can't really complain because isn't that what my life is all about? Waiting? People always tell me to enjoy my life, to live in the moment. I just can't do that. I feel like I constantly have to have something to look forward to, something to wait for. So, complaining would be stupid, because, after all, I seem to crave the wait. It could just be that I know something good is out there and I will get to it. Once I am completely satisfied with my life, I will enjoy it. I'll enjoy every little minute. I'm almost there, I can honestly say that I am satisfied with how things are at the moment, but that's because it's a stepping stone to get me to where I want to be. Where I need to be.

October starts off the 'Holiday Season' and I know time is going to fly by. I LOVE it! So bring on the cold weather and warm drinks :)

Lacy

It's been a while!

2011-09-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

I'm back! It's been too long. I graduated from school (which I have to admit was a mistake altogether), I have a great new job with an amazing company and all in all things are pretty damn good! Rylie is now 2 and let's just say it's been an adventure so far. She's extremely smart and funny and sometimes drives me absolutely crazy! I love her to death, but sometimes I just want to rip my hair out. Every night seems like a battle, she just turns mean. For example, last night it was around bedtime and I was picking up her toys downstairs when she decides to hit our smallest dog, Gabana. When I mean hit, I mean she wailed on her. She, of course, got in trouble and had to sit on the stairs for a time out (which, by the way she HATES) and after I asked her why she would hit Bana. Her response was "Bana doesn't like Ry". Nice. So if someone doesn't like you feel free to hit them because there's no use being nice, at least that's the way she sees it. It's hard to explain why that is wrong, but I did my best, with the help from my mom. She apologized to our dog in the end, but I know it will happen again, it always does.

I still haven't gotten a car, the job I am at right now, is only a temp job, which makes it hard to get financed because it's not a 'guaranteed' paycheck. I'm hoping it'll become permanent soon (fingers crossed). I'm also trying to get my credit score up, since my mistake of a marriage majorly screwed me. Just thinking about my once perfect credit score can bring me to tears, but what can I do? The past is the past and that's where I'm going to leave it. All I have do now is repair what I can, and deal with the rest.

My sister Lisa's birthday is the end of this month, so I decided to go visit her in the bay area. I bought my plane tickets yesterday and I am SO EXCITED! I haven't been up there since before I moved to SD from Fresno, so like 4 or 5 years. That's such a long time, I'm way overdue and her birthday is the perfect time. Now that I am working, I can go more often. I couldn't believe how cheap the flight was. I paid about $140 for a round trip, it beats driving and it's only an hour and 40 mins. I'll also get to visit my friends who live up there, so I decided to take a day off of work, because 2 days just wasn't enough. I will not be bringing Rylie, I want to, but I'd like to go out and have a few drinks and enjoy myself. Not that I can't enjoy myself with her, but I need a little break.

Til next time,
Lacy

Life...

2011-02-14T19:30:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...I haven't been on here in a long time, let's see, where am I? I am a mess for one. Seeing a psychologist helped me, but I haven't been able to go back because, well, I'm officially divorced meaning I have no health benefits.

With the new year I was trying to be positive, and I was doing really well and everything was seeming to fall right into place, things were going my way and I was genuinely happy. Then something happened, not even a very big thing, just a thing and now I feel like I've fallen 10 steps behind. I don't mean to be negative and I HATE throwing a pity party for myself, I really do. I just, I don't know, I feel so lost. Like, I thought I would be someone by now, or at the very least be completely independent and somewhat successful. But here I am, 24, divorced, living at home with my parents and a single parent, definitely NOT some place I EVER thought I would be. I thought I'd be on baby number 2, happily married and, for the most part, worry free. That seems more like a fantasy now than even remotely close to reality.

So, I've kind of finished school, by kind of I mean I still have an externship to do. I found out that dental assistants don't make shit and I could have been making more money doing what I was doing back in Fresno WITH benefits (then of course I wouldn't have my amazing daughter and that's a different story for another time). UGH! Talk about frustrating AND a waste of time. What the hell do I do now? I want to finish externing and school, but I also need to start working and making money to start to cover the debt my so-called mistake of a marriage got me into. Just the thought of it sends my blood boiling to the point of an anxiety attack.

Since I continue to focus on the negative let's go into the fact that I have been single for longer than I have ever been in my 'dating career' (if you will...) and to be honest the term 'sexually frustrated' is a complete understatement. What else? Oh I have like 2 friends here, both of which are moving next month FML! Really? No wonder I keep reverting to the thought of moving back to Fresno, at least there I have some type of social life, that of which includes playmates for Rylie.

There is just too much going on in my life that I feel like I'm about to fall apart any second and I don't know how to even fix myself. For example Rylie's 'dad' is coming with his new girlfriend next month and that alone is making me want to scream. I'm not ready to share my daughter. It sucks, everything she knows is because of me or my family, what has he contributed to her well-being? I guess I'm scared that she might like him more, or that I will be replaced. My daughter is my whole world! I guess it's not always about me, and after 24 years I need to understand that. It's just hard.

Things

2010-07-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

I am very much aware that no one reads this, then again this is mainly for me to vent and get things off my chest.

ANYWAYS

Life is definitely getting better, I've been in school for about a month now and even though it's hard, I've been doing pretty well. I've even made new friends and I've been going to the gym 6 days a week. Still no Weight Watchers, but I wanna see if I can really lose weight on my own, with the help of exercise before I spend more money. So far I've been going over a week, hardly enough to base anything on yet. I still cannot believe how much I weigh and how horrible I look. And to think I actually thought I was fat before I got pregnant. Not that I regret being pregnant, because Ry is the best thing that has every happened to me, I just wish I had taken better care of myself during my pregnancy and exercised. But here I am, extremely unhappy with my body. Not a place I would ever want to be, then again, things could be worse. Other than my body and weight, I would say things are good.

My new life starts

2010-06-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

After months of going back and forth about which school I wanted to attend and which field, I've finally enrolled for classes. I'll be attending the Dental Assistant program at UEI-San Marcos. After speaking with a counselor and going over costs and all that fun stuff I decided that was the college for me. It's only 8 months and I go Mon-Fri 10-2:30, so it's a fairly easy schedule that I know I can work around when it comes to my family and Ry. I have to admit I'm excited that I get to wear scrubs to school everyday, it just beats the extra 10 minutes it takes me to find something to wear (especially now because I feel like the fattest person ever ugh!). I know I'm a loser for being excited about something so stupid, but oh well!

I haven't been able to start weight watchers yet, because of money issues and trying to get the stupid car up and running (which is a story in itself). But as of last night I have decided to start jogging at least 4-5 times a week. We have a park by my house that has the perfect track for a jog, and I felt so much better after doing it, and 30 minutes out of my day is not that big of a deal. I just grab my iPod and some Smart Water and I'm good to go. After I come back home I try to do at least 100 crunches (25 regular and another 25 on each side, ending on the criss-cross kind). I feel GREAT today, of course a little sore, but I can do this.

I cannot stand the way I look, I was looking at pictures of myself before I got pregnant, you know those times when you 'thought' you were so fat and looking back you think "wtf was I smoking? I would give anything to be back to that size"? Yeah well I have to do something, and sitting on my fatass every day is not doing anything but making me feel more self conscious and ugly. I think I'll start writing down everything I put into my mouth, including mints, gum EVERYTHING. I am single now and I gotta get back out there, and I cannot do that looking like I do now. So wish me luck, I LOVE food and it's something that will not be easy to just give up. I know I can do this, I just have to put my mind to it. I have 40 lbs to lose, this is gonna be a long road, but Vegas is in a couple months and I HAVE to look good in a little dress when we go out to the clubs!

Anyways, as for my Rylie, she's the biggest brat ever! I absolutely love her to death, but something must be done about her attitude and that screaming! She screams all the time, and in public. Other than that she is walking and of course into everything. I have some work to do in the mommy department as far as discipline goes, that's another obstacle to conquer. Like everything else, I can do it.

Lacy Nicole

Life...MINE

2010-05-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

So it finally happened, Rylie turned 1 as of 10:27am (Eastern time) yesterday. We took her to Chuck E. Cheese and I honestly don't think I have ever seen her as happy as I did there. We put her on all the rides for little kids and she was smiling ear to ear the whole time. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Her party is tomorrow and we have family coming down from Fresno. I had to go with another theme, instead of the ladybug one I wanted. Who knew finding ladybug stuff for parties was going to be so hard? I wasn't about to pay almost $30 on shipping for plates and napkins that only cost $5.00 together, so we decided to find something else. The new theme is called One-derful, it's pretty cute, very girly just like Ryles!

I have been seeing a therapist once a week since February, and I have to say I am in a much better place than I was when I first started. She's got me thinking about what I really want in life, including new relationships. She had me create list of all the qualities I want in a man and I have to stick with it. No more settling, I know I deserve something great and if that takes 10 years, so be it. Like I've said many times before, I'm ok with being a single parent....for now(haha). Anyways back to my list, I had to think long and hard about what I put on there, trying not to forget important things. Here's the list so far...

1. Loves me for me
2. Loves Rylie as his own
3. Respects me
4. Financially stable
5. Financially smart (meaning he doesn't spend frivolously)
6. Clean
7. Good sense of style (but not gay looking)
8. Smart
9. Good job (or in college)
10. Isn't selfish
11. Funny
12. Romantic
13. Has a good family background
14. Likes to travels
15. Gets along with my family (and my family loves him)

That's all I have so far. It's hard to think of EVERTHING you want in a person. You're always told not to set the bar too high, but why not? Isn't that why I'm here, because I DIDN'T set the bar high enough? Who cares if it takes a long time to find "Mr. Right", you shouldn't just say "Well he's the best I'm going to find, and I don't have my whole life to wait". Screw that business. Yes, my bar is that high and yes, I will wait as long as it takes! What's the rush? I need to focus on my daughter and my education, because along with Ry, I am number one in my life.

Lacy

It's almost been a year

2010-05-21T17:37:00.000-07:00

Time truly does fly when you have a baby. This last year has been so full of joy and pain. When Rylie arrived I never knew you could love such a little person so much. The moment I laid eyes on her I started crying because I was overwhelmed with so many thoughts, would I be a good mom? Would I know what to do? and I also cried because a part of me I never knew was missing came into my life and completed me.

Being a mom has taught me a lot, especially being a single mom and I'm 100% ok with it. I love that I can take care of my daughter all by myself, with the occasional help from my wonderful family. Without my family I would have nothing, and I appreciate them now than ever.

I know having Rylie has changed me for the better. I rarely go out and drink (although sometimes I need it), I put her before myself, I am starting school to give her a good life and I finally have my priorities straightened out. Never did I ever think I would be where I am now, single with a baby. I admit it's not the path I would have chosen for myself, but it is definitely one I do not regret. Now that I am all situated at home, I feel like I've been given another chance. I'm still young and there's so much I can still do, having Rylie doesn't restrict me in anyway. She makes me want to be a better person, to not settle for anything less than what I deserve. I can now breathe and it feels really good.

A much happier Lacy :)

9 months

2010-03-10T16:43:00.000-08:00

On the 27th of February my little munchkin turned 9 months. It's crazy that she is now as old as my pregnancy was long. It makes me sad that we are now entering into the toddler years and in a few months she won't be a little baby.Of course she'll always be my baby though. She's extremely close to walking, so much that my mom, sister and I have waged bets on when she'll start. Walking gets me thinking about the fact that this house is no where near being babyproofed. We still need at least 2 baby gates, plug covers, cabinet locks and we need to move all the toxic cleaning products that are easily accessible to her.

I have finally decided on which school I am going to. I made the decision to attend Kaplan because of how small the class sizes are and the one on one attention I will be receiving. I've also heard great things about them and the morning session classes start July 14...yay! It's a little later than I wanted to start, but it's the soonest they're offering morning session and that will be the best time for me. It's perfect because I still have the whole day to spend with Rylie and I can still make it to the beach to get my tan on (oooh yes I went there!).

Things are really starting to get better and I just can't wait to see what the rest of the year takes me!!

Lacy Nicole

Her Nursery

2010-02-13T00:12:00.000-08:00

Finally after 4 months of living back in CA, Rylie's room is finished! My mom did an amazing job decorating the walls and organizing everything. It's so nice that Rylie finally has a place to call all her own.

Here it is...

It's been awhile

2010-01-29T22:00:00.000-08:00

Wow...I haven't written in the longest time. A lot has been going on though. I am legally separated and Alex and I are getting along great! We're just not good together and we both just want what's best for Rylie. Life still isn't completely easy, but it sure is getting better. I'm looking into colleges now, and have decided to go to Kaplan to become a Dental Assistant. They make decent money and the program is only 9 months. I just need to do something to better support Ry and myself.

Speaking of my angel, she is now 8 months. I cannot believe it. Time just goes by so fast, it feels like yesterday I was holding her in my arms in the delivery room...aww! She is so big. It seems like she learns something new everyday. I think crawling is just around the corner and now she's been trying to pull herself up from sitting (cutest thing ever). And TEETH! We've got 2 so far on the bottom.

Tomorrow we leave for Fresno till Thursday, we have a funeral to go to, obviously not something to look forward to. So sad. I should probably get packing!

Lacy Nicole

A New Lacy...

2009-11-25T21:06:00.000-08:00

I don't even know how to start off this blog. Let's just say that something good has DEFINITELY come out of all this B.S. I have been dealing with this last month. I am no longer the little Lacy who put up with any and everything that came my way, got stepped on, taken advantage of and so on (I'm pretty sure you get the point). I am stronger and I have decided to live my life to the fullest. I have made the decision to go back to school to become a Dental Assistant (and then go on to become a hygienist) to ensure my daughter has the life she deserves and the life I want to live. I am also going to take care of this baby weight problem, now I know right now isn't the best time for diets and exercise with the holidays and such, but seriously if I can do it now, I can do it anytime. I have finally come to the realization that if I have such a problem with it, why don't I just do something about it? So I gotta knock off this lazy shit and get my act together. MOTIVATION BABY! And that motivation is to get back out there and look damn good haha. I laugh, but I am so serious.

My standards are set extremely high now and I don't think I deserve anything but the best, and that doesn't just mean in relationships, it's life in general. People are always saying "Life is what you make it" so I am going to make it amazing. I know I have made TOO many mistakes in my short life, but it's never too soon to change. Plus I have someone else who counts on me, and she is SO worth it!

Well I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving, I know I will!

Lacy Nicole

She's almost 6 months...

2009-11-16T21:13:00.000-08:00

Where does the time go?! She has hit SO many milestones in the past month it just amazes me. She's been sitting up, rolling over, eating rice cereal and just today she started solids (yay!). She had a doctor appointment this morning and she's up to 16.5 lbs and is 25 3/4 inches long. Her pediatrician said she's going to be a tall girl because of her long legs.

I fall even more in love with her everyday. She has definitely helped me to be a better person and because of her I am enrolling in school to give her a better life. I want to be able to give her everything she could ever need, take her out places and on vacations and not have to worry about not having enough money. She deserves a good life!

We are still in CA and I am SO thankful for my mom and sister. I don't know what I would do without their help. Aww it is so nice not having to worry about daycare! Alright well I'm off to bed!

Lacy

California...H O M E

2009-10-28T09:12:00.001-07:00

I've been in Ca for about 2 weeks now, and I have had the best time. Honestly I don't want to go back to NC. I know that is horrible to say, but NC just isn't home AT ALL. Even with Alex is there. I'm not going to get into my feelings on my marriage because this site isn't for that, so yeah....

Our trip to Fresno was BUSY! I tried to see everyone I could, but it is so hard when I don't have a car. I LOVED seeing my friends and their new babies. It's nice to have friends who know what I'm going through and are going through it at exactly the same time.

Disneyland was yesterday and I was amazed that we had already gone on everything we wanted to go on by noon. There were NO lines! The longest we waited was 25 mins and that was for Space Mountain, which I HIGHLY recommend, although it did make me a little sick (totally worth it haha). We were all done by about 3, ahh now I wanna go back!

I'm trying to stay here until the 6th because Alex won't even be home since he's in the field training for deployment. I'll contact the airline today and see what I can do.

Now I'm off to take a relaxing bath...I NEVER wanna leave!

Lace

So sad...

2009-10-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

Last Friday Alex and I gave our Dog, Achilles to another family. We decided to make the choice because we felt it wasn't fair to him to live in such a small apartment with no room to run around to burn off energy. It hurt so bad when he didn't want to get into his new owner's car. I cried the whole night before, even though my dog wasn't the best dog, he was mine and I loved him like another child. I miss him like crazy and am constantly second guessing the choice I made to give him away. Just writing this down right now is bringing tears to my eyes. He loved us and trusted us and I feel like he thinks we abandoned him. I told his new owner that if things don't work out with him and he wants to get rid of him to give him back to us. If that happens then I am never going without him again. What did I do? He loved Rylie, he really did. OMG I never thought it'd hurt this much. I miss him!! I can't even post a pic of him because it hurts to look at them ahhh!!

2 more days till Cali, I know it'll keep my mind off of this. Oh God I hope so...

This time next week...

2009-10-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

...Ry and I will be in CA! I can't believe how fast time has flew. I am in desperate need of this vacation. I've been busy getting everything ready for our 19 day trip. Making lists of things Miss Rylie will need for my mom, washing clothes, stocking up on formula and figuring out what I absolutely must take with us for our plane ride (7 hours altogether).

We will be going to Fresno, but only for a weekend because my cousin Melanie is having her bridal shower, which also happens to be on the day of her 22nd birthday. I am excited because I can pretty much see most of my family in one stop, PERFECT! I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to introduce Ry to everyone. Mainly my dad and sisters because Ry is my dad's first grandchild and my sisters first niece! I don't think it gets anymore exciting than that.

I will be celebrating my 23rd birthday during this vacation and my wonderful little sister has decided to take me to Disneyland! She is amazing, she knows how much I LOVE that place. It was all her idea, I can't wait to go. This trip is going to be great I just know it! Well it's down to 6 days and counting yay!

4 months today!

2009-09-27T16:12:00.000-07:00

My little princess is officially 4 months as of today! It's so exciting and sad at the same time. She's gotten so big and before I know it she'll be one.

I never realized how lucky I really am to have such a happy and HEALTHY baby. My friend had her baby on Wednesday and she got to come home Friday, BUT her baby girl had to stay in the NICU because of breathing complications. That would KILL me, I could never imagine NOT leaving the hospital with my baby. It'd be incredibly hard and so sad.
I just thank God everyday for being blessed with Rylie, my healthy little girl!

The countdown for CA is now down to 17 days ahh! A little over 2 weeks. I still can't believe we're really going. My parents (and sisters...ok so everyone pretty much) are so excited to see Rylie, all for the first time, with the exception of my mom. She hasn't seen Ry since she was 9 days old. I also found out that my dad is also taking the day we get there off of work yay!!! I already have an outfit planned for when we land in SD, because we all know my little lady has to look ADORABLE (even though she is, regardless of what she's wearing haha).

Ahhh SO EXCITED!!!!

Lacy

Ahhh...I can't wait till Ca

2009-09-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

My tickets are purchased and I CANNOT wait! I can't believe I finally get to go home, it will be the first time since Rylie's been born. The last time I was there was for my baby shower, which was 5 months ago in April. I don't think I can stress how ecstatic I am for my dad and sisters to meet her. I know they're all excited. Heather and my mom both took the day of our arrival off of work (AND school for Heather) to ensure that they could meet us at the airport. My dad will also be there, which is exciting all in itself, usually they'll just pick me up, this time they'll be waiting for us in the airport. Thinking about me makes me miss them more.

We'll be staying for 19 days, my mom figured a week-2 weeks was too short especially because I want them to spend as much time as they can with Rylie, she grows so fast. I already feel like they've missed so much. My mom has a trip to the San Diego Zoo planned, and my friend will be joining us along with her two boys. We would love to go to Fresno, but with the swine flu right now we've decided to put those plans on hold, to see how things go there. My Aunt Mindy and Uncle Steve will be coming to San Marcos the second weekend we're there, along with my cousin Jessica and her boyfriend. I'm REALLY excited to see them, especially my aunt because she's been so helpful and we've gotten pretty close. Other relatives will be coming down to SoCal to see us, it just makes me realize what an amazing family I've got.

Rylie is almost 4 months and I swear it feels like I just had her. She's started 'talking' and she has a lot to say, it's the cutest thing. She smiles A LOT and loves everyone she meets. She really is a good baby, very social. She also LOVES her baths now, I remember the first time I bathed her (with the help of my mom) and how she cried the entire time. She truely hated it.

I KNOW she's beautiful, but I've been getting a lot of comments lately from random people about what a "gorgeous" baby she is, honestly it makes me feel good. People also comment about how healthy she is, and the doctor even told me she was VERY healthy and that "Whatever it is that you're doing, keep on doing it.", by far the BEST compliment I have ever received. When I was pregnant with her I always worried I wouldn't be a good mom and I wouldn't know what to do. I don't even think twice now, she is the WORLD to me.

I cannot imagine my life without her. She is such a little blessing and EXACTLY the kind of stability I needed in my life. She has changed me in ways I never thought possible. Life may be hard right now, but my outlook on everything has switched. Life is good and things WILL get better, they have already and I KNOW I have God to thank for that. Ahhh...this is nice.

Lacy

Time flies!

2009-08-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Rylie is now over 12 weeks and I can't believe how much she has changed. She no longer looks like a newborn. I was at my friends the other day and our other friend came over with her 1 month old and Rylie is only 2 months older than him, but wow she looked so much older. I never realized how alert and curious she is until I saw another younger baby.

Rylie now is sleeping in her own crib, it was surprisingly easy too! I thought she would fight us to sleep in it. but amazingly she went right to sleep. That was about 2 weeks ago and we've had absolutely no problems. She also is sleeping 8 hours a night, EIGHT! Ahh I am so lucky to have such a good baby. I can't stress how lucky I am to have her and she's healthy and of course beautiful. She's truely a blessing and I thank God everyday for bringing her into my life. Life took on a new meaning ever since she's arrived.

So many changes

2009-08-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately, mainly about how much my life has changed in the last year and a half. It's bittersweet.

I absolutely LOVE my daughter, I would never do anything to change having her if I had the chance. I'm just 'walking down memory lane' of how my life was before I was a wife and mother...
I miss my friends and my independence.
I miss going out and not worrying about anything really, but myself.
I miss drinking
I miss working full time.
I miss my perfect credit score (which is down the toilet now).
I miss my pre-pregnancy body.
I especially miss living in CA.

My self esteem has taken a nose dive and I feel incredibly fat and ugly. I've always had issues with my weight, thinking I was fat when I wasn't. I was looking at pictures of my friends and I before marriage and a baby and wow I looked SO much better than I do now. I don't know what happened. I know I had a baby and for the most part I've lost almost all the weight, but now I'm left with the ugly stretched out nasty stomach...ugh! Included are stretch marks and those nasty scars from my two surgeries during my pregnancy. I feel as if I will NEVER wear a bathing suit again, or be able to look even half as good as I used to.

It's not that my husband makes me feel ugly, because he doesn't. It's just me, I'm extremely hard on myself, I know. I'm depressed and the weight, bills and living in this shithole aren't helping anything. I try to be happy for my daughter and strong for Alex, but at the end of the day here I am: not being able to sleep because I am stressing over any and EVERYTHING. It sucks.

Alex and I were talking today about if we lived in CA how much easier our lives would be. I know for a fact we wouldn't have the problems we're faced with day after day here. We would both be closer to our families and I wouldn't feel so alone. I try to stay positive because I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, it's just what reason do we have living here, living miserably? I just don't get it. I also like to believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. If that's so I'm pretty close to my breaking point and then what? Why can we never catch a break? We have the WORST luck imaginable and nothing EVER goes our way. I feel like we're falling more and more into debt and I'm afraid we'll never get out. AHH...I'm going crazy and it kills me that my dad and sisters have never even met Rylie. It makes me sad. I hate that my mom isn't here to watch her grow, I know she's upset about it, and I don't blame her. I never thought I'd be alone in a delivery room without any family. It's a horrible feeling and I've never admitted it before, but it isn't fun. I watch all these pregnancy shows and the women all have their families and friends come and visit in the hospital, and I had my cousin the first day, along with Alex, but after the first day....nothing.

I'm not writing this to feel sorry for myself, just to vent and let it all out. I feel a little better now...(no one reads this anyways so it works)

Lacy

2 Months....already?!

2009-07-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

Time goes by so fast, it amazes me! She's grown a lot, I try to take pictures all the time because I don't think you can ever have enough of babies!

Aww it's been 6 weeks already

2009-07-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

Rylie is now over a month, and everyday with her is amazing. She's my little angel and I fall more in love with her with each passing day. She is the best baby and she actually sleeps through the night. She hasn't started smiling yet, which I am anxiously waiting for, but it'll happen sooner or later.

We just celebrated her first 4th of July, and she looked adorable (as usual)! I just can't believe how big she's gotten since the day I brought her home. I want her to stay small forever, but we all know that's impossible. We're going to get professional pictures taken of her as soon as she hits 3 months. I found a couple potential outfits if only I can find shoes and a little headband to match.

I started an announcement/picture website for her on the day she was born. Here's the link http://parentshack.com/ryliechanel enjoy!

Until next time...

Lacy Nicole

She's Here!

2009-05-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

Rylie Chanel Salgado is FINALLY here!

Now the road to her getting here wasn't exactly smooth, but oh man it was more than worth it!...

Wednesday I got up earlier than I was supposed to, which I had expected because I was overly excited about our new addition arriving. I felt what I thought was just a little cramping, then my water broke! Yes, on the VERY day I was scheduled for a c-section. Next, I started getting horrible contractions, I then told the hubby to hurry and get dressed because "It's time!", which is weird because it really was time, even without the water breaking and labor. We got everything together, bags, camera and anything I thought I would need for my hospital stay, and we were off. First, my contractions weren't too bad (but still pretty painful), so I thought the trip to the hospital wouldn't be so bad, then as we were almost there, they started to really get closer together. I want to say about 5 minutes apart, and the pain was becoming unbearable.

We finally got to the hospital and as soon as we walked in, the hospital staff knew what was going on, got me in a wheelchair and we headed straight for L & D. I was admitted immediately, but someone was already in the OR, and they only had 2 OB's on that day, which meant I had to wait a good hour and a half until I could get in for surgery. The good thing though was that I was actually scheduled to be two behind, but because I was in active labor I got pushed to the front! Thank the Lord! But as for that hour and a half, let me just say that was the worst hour and a half of my life. My contractions got to the point where there was no break, no telling where one contraction stopped and another started. Oh the pain was HORRIBLE! The worst part was that I couldn't take any meds because of the spinal epidural I was going to receive for the c-section.

I finally got to the OR, they administered my IV and epidural and from then on out, everything was great! Not only did I not feel A THING, my beautiful daughter was born!

Miss Rylie Chanel Salgado
Born: May 27, 2009 at 10:27am
Weight: 5 pounds 15 ounces

I am still in shock...and I love her so much it's crazy!

Well I'm off to eat and spend some time with my little one...I'll post more pics later!

~~Lacy

C-Section Scheduled May 27, 2009

2009-05-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

As of today I am now 39 weeks 1 day! I CANNOT wait for this to be over, I have NEVER in my life been so umcomfortable. It's hard to fall asleep, it's hard to stay asleep and it just sucks! I FINALLY got internet today just in time for the baby to arrive (pictures!). So here's a little update since I haven't written in a while...

2 weeks ago I went in for my 37 week appointment with my regular OB. I had to take the Beta Strep test (ugh) and she had to check the position of Rylie. OF COURSE she was STILL breech, so we had to make an appointment at the naval hospital to try to turn the baby. An appointment was made for a week later and I had to be admitted into labor and delivery just incase I went into labor during the procedure. Let me just say I will NEVER do that again! It was the most painful experience I have ever willingly done. Ugh after a couple tries to turn the baby, I couldn't take it anymore so I asked the doctors to stop and just schedule the C-Section. We decided on Wednesday May 27 for my surgery. That leaves us to where I am now...

I go in Tuesday for labs and admissions and all that fun paperwork stuff. I find out then what time exactly I am having the surgery (it'll either be 7:30am or 12pm). I get admitted to Labor & Delivery (AND same day surgery) Wednesday, have the baby, then stay at the hospital until Friday for recovery. My cousin Kristi is coming Wednesday to see Rylie and I at the hospital and my mom comes Friday (yay!!!). I cannot wait to see my family, and neither of them have ever been here to see us. Although JacksonHELL is nothing exciting, the baby sure is! Haha...

I'm a little nervous about having to have surgery, on the bright side I now know EXACTLY when she'll be here and plus I don't have to go into labor! Which takes away some pain, no pushing or tearing! My recovery time at the hospital is a little bit longer, but the safety of the baby is the most important thing, so I am willing to do whatever it takes. It's so crazy that in less than 3 days I will be a mom. Who ever thought? It felt like this pregnancy would never end, but here I am full term and ready to pop!

I probably won't write until I get back from the hospital with pictures of baby Rylie! Wish me luck!!!

Baby Shower & Life lessons

2009-04-14T22:46:00.000-07:00

The shower was last Saturday and all I can say is wow! My Mom and Aunt did such a great job with the planning, food and decorations. I got more stuff than I ever thought I would, so now I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to take back to NC tomorrow and what to send by FedEx. We've also been getting a lot of things shipped to our apartment, so as soon as I get back I will be super busy organizing and writing (more) thank you cards (I already finished the ones from the shower).

I thought that after I got everything for Rylie I would feel ready, but we are in such a rut financially that I feel as if we can't provide for her as well as we should. I hate being broke as soon as we get paid. I know I will have to get a job as soon as the baby is about 6 weeks, because with this economy these days it seems that every household needs to have a double income. No matter how many bills I seem to lower and eliminate, there is something else to take it's place. Instead of getting ahead I feel as if we are falling behind. I honestly think we may never get out of this rut. I tried to say "Things can only get better, we're just having a hard time. Soon we will be back on our feet and we'll be ok", but I can't say I even believe that. Why do things have to keep getting worse? Just when I start to think they get better, we get thrown something else. Ugh! It is so frustrating. The worst part is that by eliminating some bills, I will no longer have a wedding ring. That's right, my beautiful diamond ring is no longer mine. As of Thursday I will have to surrender it back to Kay Jewelers. It's that or we struggle to make the payments that we are already 60 days late on. I'm sorry but I have a baby to support in about 6 weeks so any money we don't have to spend, I'd love to save.

There are so many things I am learning through all this. I know what not to do in the future. I now know not to count on anything because even though you think something is a for sure thing, it can change. Life really does come at you fast and things you once thought were impossible, aren't. For example we thought for sure he was going on this deployment with 3/2. We were going to be set, no more debt, I would be back in Ca with my family and when he came back things for us would definitely be great. Ha-if ONLY I knew what I know now. Not only is he NOT deploying, but he is on limited duty and we have absolutely no idea when he will be transferring to an actual unit and then deploying. It is not that we want him to deploy, but what you have to understand is that deploying equals money, tax free money and extra money to pay off EVERY bill we have. We NEED him to deploy more than anything. Alex knows it as well as I. It sucks that it is our ONLY hope to get on our feet, but that's life for you and it sucks!

I should probably go to sleep considering I have a full day of flying ahead of me tomorrow. I will write when I can (we pawned our computer and I don't know when we are getting it back). Hopefully things will get better...

Lacy Nicole

Get to fly back to CA for Baby Shower!

2009-03-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

I had an OB appointment on Tuesday and I am all cleared to fly on the 8th to Cali for my baby shower that weekend! I will be almost 32 weeks pregnant, and anything before 36 is considered safe. I am so excited, although I have to admit it does make me a little nervous to be flying within my last trimester. Monday I started Lamaze/Birthing Classes and I will continue going for 5 weeks. I was worried about missing a class because of my little mini-vacation to CA, but thankfully since it's around spring break time, our instructor decided to give us 2 weeks off due to traveling and the amount of couples who are going to be gone. So yay for that! It's crazy how much closer to my due date is getting, and how much bigger I KEEP getting. It seems like just when I think I can't get any bigger, I do! I'm hoping for no stretch marks, but it looks like I'm just now starting to get a few. The midwife/instructor for the Birthing classses told us that there is absolutely NOTHING on the market that will prevent them. Not cocoa butter or vitamin e or massaging will work. That sucks, but that's life and it could be worse I guess. They aren't noticeable right now, but I freak out over the littlest things. Not healthy to stress I know. I can't help it, I'm trying though.

We FINALLY move into our new apartment next Tuesday or Wednesday and I cannot express how excited I am to be able to walk around my own apartment wearing (or not wearing) whatever I want! It's definitely going to be nice to come home to a place that is all ours. If we left the house clean, it's still going to be that way when we return. It's the little things I am looking forward to. Ahh soo exciting! I can't wait till our loan comes in so we can buy more stuff, decorating homes is so much fun! Can't wait!

~Lacy Nicole

30.5 weeks down, 9.5 to go!

Pregnancy

2009-03-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

So I finally decided to start an actual blog, instead of using Myspace. I didn't want everyone knowing my business and Myspace, as we all know, is a little shady.

ANYWAYS...

As of today I am 29 weeks 4 days, meaning I have less than 11 weeks to go. I am hoping this last stretch will go by fast.

Here's a little recap of my 'wonderful' pregnancy...

1st Trimester:

Could not eat! Things I used to like made me totally sick and I actually lost more weight than anything. It sucked...

The heartburn started.....

2nd Trimester:

I had to visit the ER 3 times...

The first time I was here in gay Jacksonville, NC. I had been complaining of a weird stabbing like pain in my ribs and somach all they told me that I had was GERD (acid reflux) and sent me home with Zantac and Tums.

The second time I had period-like cramp and thought I was losing the baby. We get to the hospital (Camp Lejeune Naval Hospital...AGAIN) and I had to wait about 3 hours in the waiting room. After I was finally seen it took what felt like forever to find the baby's heartbeat. Then found out it was a bladder infection. Ugh...

The third time I (luckily) was in CA and those stabbing-like pains I had earlier when I first went to the ER turned out to be GALLSTONES. Meaning...SURGERY. Great! So there I was 19 weeks pregnant and having surgery to remove my gallbladder.

Third Trimester:

The heartburn has gotten about 100000x's worse and even the smallest thing like water, sets it off. My OB has put me on 3 different heartburn medications and still no relief.

I also found out that I am anemic, which isn't that bad considering all I have to do is take iron pills. But still, it's the fact that I am on yet another medication.

This now leaves me to where I am now...praying for an easy rest of the pregnancy. We know we're having a girl and her name is Rylie Chanel Salgado. My due date is May 30, although I honestly don't think I'm going to last that long. I'm giving myself until the middle of May.

The babyshower is early/mid April in CA...yay! I cannot wait! Alright I should go pick up the hubby from work.

Lacy Nicole