This time next week...

...Ry and I will be in CA! I can't believe how fast time has flew. I am in desperate need of this vacation. I've been busy getting everything ready for our 19 day trip. Making lists of things Miss Rylie will need for my mom, washing clothes, stocking up on formula and figuring out what I absolutely must take with us for our plane ride (7 hours altogether).

We will be going to Fresno, but only for a weekend because my cousin Melanie is having her bridal shower, which also happens to be on the day of her 22nd birthday. I am excited because I can pretty much see most of my family in one stop, PERFECT! I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to introduce Ry to everyone. Mainly my dad and sisters because Ry is my dad's first grandchild and my sisters first niece! I don't think it gets anymore exciting than that.

I will be celebrating my 23rd birthday during this vacation and my wonderful little sister has decided to take me to Disneyland! She is amazing, she knows how much I LOVE that place. It was all her idea, I can't wait to go. This trip is going to be great I just know it! Well it's down to 6 days and counting yay!

4 months today!

My little princess is officially 4 months as of today! It's so exciting and sad at the same time. She's gotten so big and before I know it she'll be one.

I never realized how lucky I really am to have such a happy and HEALTHY baby. My friend had her baby on Wednesday and she got to come home Friday, BUT her baby girl had to stay in the NICU because of breathing complications. That would KILL me, I could never imagine NOT leaving the hospital with my baby. It'd be incredibly hard and so sad.
I just thank God everyday for being blessed with Rylie, my healthy little girl!

The countdown for CA is now down to 17 days ahh! A little over 2 weeks. I still can't believe we're really going. My parents (and sisters...ok so everyone pretty much) are so excited to see Rylie, all for the first time, with the exception of my mom. She hasn't seen Ry since she was 9 days old. I also found out that my dad is also taking the day we get there off of work yay!!! I already have an outfit planned for when we land in SD, because we all know my little lady has to look ADORABLE (even though she is, regardless of what she's wearing haha).

Ahhh SO EXCITED!!!!

Lacy

Ahhh...I can't wait till Ca

My tickets are purchased and I CANNOT wait! I can't believe I finally get to go home, it will be the first time since Rylie's been born. The last time I was there was for my baby shower, which was 5 months ago in April. I don't think I can stress how ecstatic I am for my dad and sisters to meet her. I know they're all excited. Heather and my mom both took the day of our arrival off of work (AND school for Heather) to ensure that they could meet us at the airport. My dad will also be there, which is exciting all in itself, usually they'll just pick me up, this time they'll be waiting for us in the airport. Thinking about me makes me miss them more.

We'll be staying for 19 days, my mom figured a week-2 weeks was too short especially because I want them to spend as much time as they can with Rylie, she grows so fast. I already feel like they've missed so much. My mom has a trip to the San Diego Zoo planned, and my friend will be joining us along with her two boys. We would love to go to Fresno, but with the swine flu right now we've decided to put those plans on hold, to see how things go there. My Aunt Mindy and Uncle Steve will be coming to San Marcos the second weekend we're there, along with my cousin Jessica and her boyfriend. I'm REALLY excited to see them, especially my aunt because she's been so helpful and we've gotten pretty close. Other relatives will be coming down to SoCal to see us, it just makes me realize what an amazing family I've got.

Rylie is almost 4 months and I swear it feels like I just had her. She's started 'talking' and she has a lot to say, it's the cutest thing. She smiles A LOT and loves everyone she meets. She really is a good baby, very social. She also LOVES her baths now, I remember the first time I bathed her (with the help of my mom) and how she cried the entire time. She truely hated it.

I KNOW she's beautiful, but I've been getting a lot of comments lately from random people about what a "gorgeous" baby she is, honestly it makes me feel good. People also comment about how healthy she is, and the doctor even told me she was VERY healthy and that "Whatever it is that you're doing, keep on doing it.", by far the BEST compliment I have ever received. When I was pregnant with her I always worried I wouldn't be a good mom and I wouldn't know what to do. I don't even think twice now, she is the WORLD to me.

I cannot imagine my life without her. She is such a little blessing and EXACTLY the kind of stability I needed in my life. She has changed me in ways I never thought possible. Life may be hard right now, but my outlook on everything has switched. Life is good and things WILL get better, they have already and I KNOW I have God to thank for that. Ahhh...this is nice.

Lacy

Time flies!

Rylie is now over 12 weeks and I can't believe how much she has changed. She no longer looks like a newborn. I was at my friends the other day and our other friend came over with her 1 month old and Rylie is only 2 months older than him, but wow she looked so much older. I never realized how alert and curious she is until I saw another younger baby.

Rylie now is sleeping in her own crib, it was surprisingly easy too! I thought she would fight us to sleep in it. but amazingly she went right to sleep. That was about 2 weeks ago and we've had absolutely no problems. She also is sleeping 8 hours a night, EIGHT! Ahh I am so lucky to have such a good baby. I can't stress how lucky I am to have her and she's healthy and of course beautiful. She's truely a blessing and I thank God everyday for bringing her into my life. Life took on a new meaning ever since she's arrived.

So many changes

I've been thinking a lot lately, mainly about how much my life has changed in the last year and a half. It's bittersweet.

I absolutely LOVE my daughter, I would never do anything to change having her if I had the chance. I'm just 'walking down memory lane' of how my life was before I was a wife and mother...
I miss my friends and my independence.
I miss going out and not worrying about anything really, but myself.
I miss drinking
I miss working full time.
I miss my perfect credit score (which is down the toilet now).
I miss my pre-pregnancy body.
I especially miss living in CA.

My self esteem has taken a nose dive and I feel incredibly fat and ugly. I've always had issues with my weight, thinking I was fat when I wasn't. I was looking at pictures of my friends and I before marriage and a baby and wow I looked SO much better than I do now. I don't know what happened. I know I had a baby and for the most part I've lost almost all the weight, but now I'm left with the ugly stretched out nasty stomach...ugh! Included are stretch marks and those nasty scars from my two surgeries during my pregnancy. I feel as if I will NEVER wear a bathing suit again, or be able to look even half as good as I used to.

It's not that my husband makes me feel ugly, because he doesn't. It's just me, I'm extremely hard on myself, I know. I'm depressed and the weight, bills and living in this shithole aren't helping anything. I try to be happy for my daughter and strong for Alex, but at the end of the day here I am: not being able to sleep because I am stressing over any and EVERYTHING. It sucks.

Alex and I were talking today about if we lived in CA how much easier our lives would be. I know for a fact we wouldn't have the problems we're faced with day after day here. We would both be closer to our families and I wouldn't feel so alone. I try to stay positive because I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, it's just what reason do we have living here, living miserably? I just don't get it. I also like to believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. If that's so I'm pretty close to my breaking point and then what? Why can we never catch a break? We have the WORST luck imaginable and nothing EVER goes our way. I feel like we're falling more and more into debt and I'm afraid we'll never get out. AHH...I'm going crazy and it kills me that my dad and sisters have never even met Rylie. It makes me sad. I hate that my mom isn't here to watch her grow, I know she's upset about it, and I don't blame her. I never thought I'd be alone in a delivery room without any family. It's a horrible feeling and I've never admitted it before, but it isn't fun. I watch all these pregnancy shows and the women all have their families and friends come and visit in the hospital, and I had my cousin the first day, along with Alex, but after the first day....nothing.

I'm not writing this to feel sorry for myself, just to vent and let it all out. I feel a little better now...(no one reads this anyways so it works)

Lacy

2 Months....already?!

Time goes by so fast, it amazes me! She's grown a lot, I try to take pictures all the time because I don't think you can ever have enough of babies!

Aww it's been 6 weeks already

Rylie is now over a month, and everyday with her is amazing. She's my little angel and I fall more in love with her with each passing day. She is the best baby and she actually sleeps through the night. She hasn't started smiling yet, which I am anxiously waiting for, but it'll happen sooner or later.

We just celebrated her first 4th of July, and she looked adorable (as usual)! I just can't believe how big she's gotten since the day I brought her home. I want her to stay small forever, but we all know that's impossible. We're going to get professional pictures taken of her as soon as she hits 3 months. I found a couple potential outfits if only I can find shoes and a little headband to match.

I started an announcement/picture website for her on the day she was born. Here's the link http://parentshack.com/ryliechanel enjoy!


Until next time...

Lacy Nicole