The shower was last Saturday and all I can say is wow! My Mom and Aunt did such a great job with the planning, food and decorations. I got more stuff than I ever thought I would, so now I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to take back to NC tomorrow and what to send by FedEx. We've also been getting a lot of things shipped to our apartment, so as soon as I get back I will be super busy organizing and writing (more) thank you cards (I already finished the ones from the shower).
I thought that after I got everything for Rylie I would feel ready, but we are in such a rut financially that I feel as if we can't provide for her as well as we should. I hate being broke as soon as we get paid. I know I will have to get a job as soon as the baby is about 6 weeks, because with this economy these days it seems that every household needs to have a double income. No matter how many bills I seem to lower and eliminate, there is something else to take it's place. Instead of getting ahead I feel as if we are falling behind. I honestly think we may never get out of this rut. I tried to say "Things can only get better, we're just having a hard time. Soon we will be back on our feet and we'll be ok", but I can't say I even believe that. Why do things have to keep getting worse? Just when I start to think they get better, we get thrown something else. Ugh! It is so frustrating. The worst part is that by eliminating some bills, I will no longer have a wedding ring. That's right, my beautiful diamond ring is no longer mine. As of Thursday I will have to surrender it back to Kay Jewelers. It's that or we struggle to make the payments that we are already 60 days late on. I'm sorry but I have a baby to support in about 6 weeks so any money we don't have to spend, I'd love to save.
There are so many things I am learning through all this. I know what not to do in the future. I now know not to count on anything because even though you think something is a for sure thing, it can change. Life really does come at you fast and things you once thought were impossible, aren't. For example we thought for sure he was going on this deployment with 3/2. We were going to be set, no more debt, I would be back in Ca with my family and when he came back things for us would definitely be great. Ha-if ONLY I knew what I know now. Not only is he NOT deploying, but he is on limited duty and we have absolutely no idea when he will be transferring to an actual unit and then deploying. It is not that we want him to deploy, but what you have to understand is that deploying equals money, tax free money and extra money to pay off EVERY bill we have. We NEED him to deploy more than anything. Alex knows it as well as I. It sucks that it is our ONLY hope to get on our feet, but that's life for you and it sucks!
I should probably go to sleep considering I have a full day of flying ahead of me tomorrow. I will write when I can (we pawned our computer and I don't know when we are getting it back). Hopefully things will get better...
Lacy Nicole
