Is this real?

I keep waking up only to face reality. Part of me feels like this is just a bad dream that I'm going to wake up from, as if it hasn't really hit me yet. Things that seemingly happen overnight have that effect on you. No matter how much reassurance and confidence the surgeons and the team have, there's always that small chance something could go wrong. I shouldn't even be thinking this way, but honestly how can I not? It's like I KNOW he's going to be fine, but I just can't seem to stop my mind from wondering. My breakdowns still happen when I'm alone, mostly early morning or late at night when I know Dustin's sleeping. I know he knows I cry, but the last thing I want is him seeing me like that.
We found out that he will be going into surgery sometime tomorrow afternoon, something about knowing that just makes this situation that much more real. I'm anticipating it just being over, while at the same time dreading them wheeling him away to start a lengthy, invasive brain surgery. I'll be an absolute mess, I told him I'd try to stay strong, but we both know that isn't happening. Seeing the strongest person, my rock, like that still breaks me, every day, every time. If I could take his place I would, in a heartbeat.
When I go back to the why, like why'd this happen to us? I can only think about something I read. It said something along the lines of why not? What makes us so damn special that something like this could never happen? The answer, unfortunately, is nothing. Bad things happen to good people all of the time, it's part of life. You just deal with it as it comes and do the best you can with the hand you're dealt.
I would love to fast forward a few weeks, get to the easier parts, assuming it can only go up from here. It's hard to get excited about a new baby when all I can think of is my husbands health. The birth of our son will be a new beginning, I know that, we just need to get to that part. No matter what is going on in life, a baby is always a blessing. My husband WILL be recovered enough to be there for the birth of our son and enjoy every up and down associated with a newborn.
I'm learning not to take things for granted anymore, the alone time my husband and I have gotten in the last few days have been nice. It's like having date night while staying in, at least that's what I've been pretending it is. It felt good to laugh during such a hard time, that's something I'm always guaranteed with him. His sense of humor keeps my life fun and interesting.
I should probably try to get some rest, it's going to be a big, overwhelming day tomorrow.