I know that there was absolutely no way we could have known, or prepared ourselves for a brain tumor, but I feel so guilty about planning and getting pregnant with our third child. Obviously I had no idea at the time, but as my due date nears, I find myself feeling like a horrible person. Our community, friends and family have helped so much with getting us what we need, but this wasn't supposed to work out like this. We were supposed to be financially stable and get everything ourselves, I mean it is our third child after all. Not that I don't appreciate everything we've received, because I do, I just have this overwhelming guilt like I should've planned better.
This still doesn't feel real, like somehow I'll wake up and Dustin won't have a brain tumor and he's still generating income. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Honestly I'm scared and nervous and so stressed out that I don't even know where to go from here. We got some money from a GoFundMe account and family members, but it's just scratching the surface. We'll more than likely lose the truck and be behind on a few bills. Which terrifies me, even though I know this isn't the end of the world. This was our year to get ahead, finish paying off our credit cards and start working on our credit. Now we're looking at a whole different scenario. It's temporary, I know it is, it's just a long temporary. I can't let Dustin know I'm feeling this way because me stressing out is the last thing he needs. I've got to stop being selfish and just get through this.
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